You have been through a series of less-than-stellar relationships, one of which led to a divorce. Now, you wonder what has gotten you into these predicaments: unsatisfying relationships.
Anyone can be in a bad relationship. Good relationships are the ones that may be more challenging to find because they take a little extra work along with a good amount of introspection on your part.
Trust your instincts
Here are some of the ways that people may avoid bad relationships:
- Look at your relationship history: This list would include previous intimate relationships as well as your relationships with your parents, siblings and friends. Does a pattern exist? For example, if you have had an oppressive or even violent-filled family upbringing, you may consider this normal. You may feel comfortable with such behavior, but this is not normal behavior. Break away from those patterns and recognize them for what they really are.
- Trust your instincts: If something feels off and not right, then it is. If excessive conflict surfaces early in the relationship, that conflict will only continue. Sometimes, people are desperate to get into relationships, leaving them vulnerable. They accept and tend to overlook characteristic flaws in the other person. Any feelings of unhappiness should make you move on.
- Do not expect to change your partner: Some people go into a relationship thinking they can change the other person. That is not going to happen as only that person can change himself or herself. And if the other person attempts to change you and your behavior, then you know that your relationship is in jeopardy. You want a partner who accepts you for who you are.
- Stay away from people who manipulate, threaten and insult you: Emotional beatings may turn into physical beatings. Tearing you down for sport represents abuse. Control is a sign of an insecure person who can be dangerous.
- No room for jealousy and mistrust: Jealousy and mistrust represent the major warning signs of an insecure person who wants to possess and control you. Of course, both of you had a history of previous relationships. That is part of life, but if the other person cannot accept your past, it is time to move on.
A good relationship may put all the bad ones well in your past. Focus on your future.
Fulfilling things in your life
Self-acceptance and self-care are essential qualities that help you in everyday life matters, including your relationships. Focus on the activities that fulfill you and make you happy. Feeling good about yourself allows you to trust yourself and have confidence in what you do. When you glow, others see that. And they may want to glow with you.